Recently there was speaker who talked of a specific trial in her life. Her trial to bear was liver cancer. Her talk was inspirational, but a comment that she made struck a strange cord in me. Her comment was that the hardest part of her trial was not being able to have children while the rest of her peers were getting pregnant, That was a more difficult situation than being sick. The moral: being alone or childless in a church whose focus is on families is painful for those who find themselves on the fringe of society.
When I was invited to make the transition from singles to family ward, it became one of the most difficult transitions I have ever known. I more fully understand why the church is losing so many during time of transition. I left everything I had known, friends, leaders, a whole social society and went into a world that was foreign to me. It would be like moving to Mars. Being raised in the church, I understood the lingo, had a firm testimony of the living reality of the gospel, but I was at a loss as to how to handle this next phase of my life. Reflecting on my circumstances, it must be like leaving our heavenly home. There were people there who loved us, wanted so much for us to have this experience all the while knowing the transition is difficult. Coming as children and having the veil closed slowly must be a blessing we don't fully understand. It would be far too painful to leave and have that memory in tact. I felt like that. I had left my home, what I knew, where I felt safe. The parting from my old life was difficult and there was a mourning for lost dreams.
There are times I feel jipped. As little girls, all of us dream of that one person who will complete our lives. Someone who rides in on a white horse, saves the day and we live happily ever after. Disney owns that dream, the fantasy of the perfect life. I don't need a white horse, (although it would be nice). I need someone to share things with, that I can be myself with and someone who knows when I need them and they show up. I thought I would give anything to bring that into my life. Sadly, I realize, that is not true. There are some things I will not give up, my testimony and my faith. There are times where jealousy rears its ugly head and I have to be vigilant in keeping it reigned in. Watching my parents or friends together at times is like scrubbing a wound that never quite heals.
One surprising thing that it brings is hope. Why? Because there is still the desire and the drive to have that blessing. Does it make the trial any less painful? Not usually, but hope does bring brighter days and a contentment to live and to expect that all promised blessings will be given.
